5 years after my last post on this blog I have found my way back to it. I struggle with a lot of mental things that I think prayerful writing may help. It has been a very busy 5 years, and I have gone from what I would consider to be very passionate and knowledgeable in regard to the Lord to having experienced some significant troubles now being in a very different, seemingly darker place than I once was, but perhaps closer to the Lord than I once was.
The first few years of my life after i experienced a very powerful revelation of God through the message of Jesus' love, forgiveness, and sacrifice I had a very strong sense of purpose. I was the Lord's and the Lord was mine is the best way I can think of to describe it. I was drawn very powerfully to the scriptures and to other people who I had met or knew that followed Christ also. I although I didn't know what God would call me to in life, I believed very strongly that it would be extraordinary, and that it would likely involve me being a teacher of some kind.
The next phase of my journey through faith was that of testing, trial, and pain. After getting married and moving to Arizona I found myself in a place that was quite hostile to me and my faith. I don't mean that the physical environment was hostile, but that it was just a time of hostility in general. I had my church leadership challenging me on the basics of the faith saying that I was wrong. I had family members and previous Christian friends either rejecting the faith or opposing me and what I was doing in the ministry God gave me. Pretty soon I was without a church, without friends, and with the idea in my mind that since the Lord's work was what I was doing I would be successful (for some reason believing that I would be some special prophet sent to everyone around me). In the end my wife would also be frustrated with what was happening, and questioning what I believed. It was a very hard time, and I found myself very depressed and doubtful.
I believe God destroyed everything that I was doing because it would have destroyed me. I was self confident, and trusted in my own abilities and methods rather than his supernatural power and grace. Yet, I knew that God had called me to be a spiritual soldier, and from the beginning I have been on the front line--a warrior of the faith however weak I am. I feel like an old warrior now--like one that has seen his share of battle, and still plays in his mind the sorrows of watching the death of people he loved. I struggle with feelings of guilt for thing that I have done or said that have hurt others, and pushed them away from fellowship. Maybe this is my thorn in the flesh.
Now, as a husband ad father of 3 I find myself in a life pattern very different from 5 years ago. My prayers are few and my reading of the scriptures is down to maybe a verse a day. I find myself still foolishly trying to tough it out--trying to push through task after task with work (I work as an Infantryman in the US Army). Maybe I do it because that is the mentality forced on you from day one of military training, or maybe because my pain fuels me and not the love of God or love for God and others. Maybe both.
So, this blog is going to serve as a kind of reference point for my efforts at rejuvenating and reorienting my life to my first love (Jesus) that the fruit of the Spirit may be more and more evident in me.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Friday, March 26, 2010
One Life Or Many? (a meditation on the implications of both possibilities)
I often find myself thinking about life. Well, my life in particular. Thinking about what has happened to me that brought me to this point in my life, and wondering also what it will be from here out. Do I have a month left, or is it a day? Maybe it is an hour, or perhaps fifty years. The Bible says, "So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12).
I just got done listening to the book of Acts today on my audio Bible as I was setting up a baseball field for the home game tonight (I work at a high school), and one thing (out of a few) that stuck out to me was the emphasis that Paul put on the resurrection of the dead as he explained, to person after person, why the Jews were do angry with him. I kept saying that he was being judged for his hope in the resurrection that was preached and believe in by the prophets and fathers; that is, those who are written about in the Hebrew scriptures. What does it mean that we have this hope?
There seems to be a philosophy afoot these days. One which some people that I know of preach, and that is this idea of multiple lives, or incarnations. I guess the idea is that the soul is eternal, and that we simply go through bodies like dirty socks in a seemingly endless regress of lives until some point of enlightenment is reached. As I pondered this view in contrast to my hope in the resurrection of my body and soul from the dead to live with Christ forever, and the implications of believing either view it seemed to me that belief in reincarnation would produce a careless attitude about life. I mean, if you get a do over in the next one, then what is the point of making this one matter? Wouldn't that just encourage suicide? I mean, if you believed that you would just reincarnate into someone else, how much do you put up with until you just hit the reset button?
It seems to me that this idea has arisen to its prominence because of the scientific theory of evolution. Namely that through time nature is perfecting itself by sight modifications to living organisms over long periods of time eventually becoming something better than what previously existed by successive deaths. Thus it seems that we take this idea, and apply it to the spiritual. I will just call it soul evolution for the sake of argument. An interesting point to observe about soul evolution as well as physical evolution is that the process does not have a specific end, and likewise the way to this perfection is equally skewed in that it is almost completely ambiguous.
The Bible views this issue very specifically. "And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment," (Hebrews 9:27). There is a definite beginning and definite end of this life, and the perfection to which we are to attain to is clearly stated. The Bible teaches that we don't become perfected by many lives and experiences, but by the power of the Holy Spirit and the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That through faith in the Lord Jesus we are perfected positionally before God, and that through the sanctifying work of the Spirit we are being changed into what we will become in heaven.
I is evident to me by contrast that while soul evolution would cultivate a complacency with life, Christianity would cultivate a deep sobriety and serious focus in life to know what is most important and to do it before death traditions us from here into eternity and "receive the things done in the body, according to what [we have] done, whether good or bad" (2 Corinthians 5:10).
Human life, in the view of soul evolution, would be cheap, and with little value given to life (when you can just get another one) who's to say that mass murders or suicides aren't merely doing some people a favor? On the other hand, if indeed the testimony of the Bible is true, and our bodies aren't arbitrary shells that house some kind of eternal evolving soul, but created by God in His image, then God cares for both our body and soul. Human life is therefore very important, and valuable. We aren't just here to learn something that we don't know what it is, to get no one really knows where, but beings of great value and worth that are deeply complex and amazingly profound.
Our entire justice system is based on the reality of human value. For there must be value to enact a punishment or for there to even be crime. Maybe what we would consider a crime is just evolutions way of progressing our species, and we are just getting in the way of it. Who'e to say that anything we are doing is helping or hurting in the end. Oh yeah, there is no definite end. In that case evil is dead, relativism reigns, and things just are.
Consider the following video commentary:
I just got done listening to the book of Acts today on my audio Bible as I was setting up a baseball field for the home game tonight (I work at a high school), and one thing (out of a few) that stuck out to me was the emphasis that Paul put on the resurrection of the dead as he explained, to person after person, why the Jews were do angry with him. I kept saying that he was being judged for his hope in the resurrection that was preached and believe in by the prophets and fathers; that is, those who are written about in the Hebrew scriptures. What does it mean that we have this hope?
There seems to be a philosophy afoot these days. One which some people that I know of preach, and that is this idea of multiple lives, or incarnations. I guess the idea is that the soul is eternal, and that we simply go through bodies like dirty socks in a seemingly endless regress of lives until some point of enlightenment is reached. As I pondered this view in contrast to my hope in the resurrection of my body and soul from the dead to live with Christ forever, and the implications of believing either view it seemed to me that belief in reincarnation would produce a careless attitude about life. I mean, if you get a do over in the next one, then what is the point of making this one matter? Wouldn't that just encourage suicide? I mean, if you believed that you would just reincarnate into someone else, how much do you put up with until you just hit the reset button?
It seems to me that this idea has arisen to its prominence because of the scientific theory of evolution. Namely that through time nature is perfecting itself by sight modifications to living organisms over long periods of time eventually becoming something better than what previously existed by successive deaths. Thus it seems that we take this idea, and apply it to the spiritual. I will just call it soul evolution for the sake of argument. An interesting point to observe about soul evolution as well as physical evolution is that the process does not have a specific end, and likewise the way to this perfection is equally skewed in that it is almost completely ambiguous.
The Bible views this issue very specifically. "And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment," (Hebrews 9:27). There is a definite beginning and definite end of this life, and the perfection to which we are to attain to is clearly stated. The Bible teaches that we don't become perfected by many lives and experiences, but by the power of the Holy Spirit and the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That through faith in the Lord Jesus we are perfected positionally before God, and that through the sanctifying work of the Spirit we are being changed into what we will become in heaven.
I is evident to me by contrast that while soul evolution would cultivate a complacency with life, Christianity would cultivate a deep sobriety and serious focus in life to know what is most important and to do it before death traditions us from here into eternity and "receive the things done in the body, according to what [we have] done, whether good or bad" (2 Corinthians 5:10).
Human life, in the view of soul evolution, would be cheap, and with little value given to life (when you can just get another one) who's to say that mass murders or suicides aren't merely doing some people a favor? On the other hand, if indeed the testimony of the Bible is true, and our bodies aren't arbitrary shells that house some kind of eternal evolving soul, but created by God in His image, then God cares for both our body and soul. Human life is therefore very important, and valuable. We aren't just here to learn something that we don't know what it is, to get no one really knows where, but beings of great value and worth that are deeply complex and amazingly profound.
Our entire justice system is based on the reality of human value. For there must be value to enact a punishment or for there to even be crime. Maybe what we would consider a crime is just evolutions way of progressing our species, and we are just getting in the way of it. Who'e to say that anything we are doing is helping or hurting in the end. Oh yeah, there is no definite end. In that case evil is dead, relativism reigns, and things just are.
Consider the following video commentary:
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Facebook & Our Witness For Christ
I have been thinking about what I am doing. I mean, I sit here and read all of these updates on Facebook, and just can't help but wonder where God is in the lives of my contacts. From what I have seen most of them have 'Christian' under their 'Religious Views', but for the most part I don't see a lot of people who say much about Jesus or the gospel.
This is troubling to me because I was recently watching a John Piper sermon where he was talking about how important it is to have a very high view of the gospel. So much so that it is radically thought consuming. It was very moving and powerful. He talked about how people don't take the gospel very seriously because they don't take their sin very seriously, and they don't take their sin very seriously because they don't really know much about God. This video will show you a little bit about what I mean:
I think that the reason that I find myself wanting to read the Bible; wanting to know God; know the gospel, and live there in that grace is because at almost every moment of my conscious day I am increasingly aware of the reality that I am way more bad than I am good. Those who have heard me mention it have told me that it is unhealthy for me to think about my badness and sin the way that I do. I mean there are times when I just want to lay down, not move, and just weep because I have said something that offended my wife because I wanted to do something and in that wanting I trample her emotions and it is just horrible. I mean, I am just such a horrible person.
I began to really think about this a month or two before I got saved (roughly 4 years ago). I always say that if you are going to be a perfectionist you will always end up a very frustrated person all the time. That is how I began to realize by badness. I decided that I would try and reform my behaviors, but the more I strove for righteousness and goodness the further it seemed I would get from it. I would have some king of very primitive idea of right and wrong, and from that begin to work toward that which I was perceiving to be good, however the more I tried the higher I realized the standard to be and thus the further I saw that I was from it until I was simply pointless to keep trying. Therefore, my perfectionism rendered my a very frustrated person.
It seems that most people don't take this as seriously as I do. They are content rather, to compare themselves to other people, most of which are just as bad if not worse then they are and conclude that they're not all that bad comparatively. I don't know why but that just doesn't work for me. Just take a second and think about it. Who do compare yourself to so that you can accurately assess your moral character? Listen to what Paul Washer has observed about his badness:
These are the things that have been in my mind. That everyday I do God infinite wrong, and because I do so badly against God it is rather superfluous to think about what I have done against other people. I just know that when I do other people wrong it is only because I am doing God wrong, and behaving badly toward Him.
I guess just all of this to say that I don't think that many people take God seriously enough to talk about Him on their Facebook pages and status updates because He is really not that valuable to them, and He is really not that valuable to them because they have convinced themselves that they are not really all that bad. I hope that I see myself as worse and worse so that I can see my need for Jesus Christ more and more, because the more I need Him the more wonderful His grace and provision for me becomes in my mind.
This is troubling to me because I was recently watching a John Piper sermon where he was talking about how important it is to have a very high view of the gospel. So much so that it is radically thought consuming. It was very moving and powerful. He talked about how people don't take the gospel very seriously because they don't take their sin very seriously, and they don't take their sin very seriously because they don't really know much about God. This video will show you a little bit about what I mean:
I think that the reason that I find myself wanting to read the Bible; wanting to know God; know the gospel, and live there in that grace is because at almost every moment of my conscious day I am increasingly aware of the reality that I am way more bad than I am good. Those who have heard me mention it have told me that it is unhealthy for me to think about my badness and sin the way that I do. I mean there are times when I just want to lay down, not move, and just weep because I have said something that offended my wife because I wanted to do something and in that wanting I trample her emotions and it is just horrible. I mean, I am just such a horrible person.
I began to really think about this a month or two before I got saved (roughly 4 years ago). I always say that if you are going to be a perfectionist you will always end up a very frustrated person all the time. That is how I began to realize by badness. I decided that I would try and reform my behaviors, but the more I strove for righteousness and goodness the further it seemed I would get from it. I would have some king of very primitive idea of right and wrong, and from that begin to work toward that which I was perceiving to be good, however the more I tried the higher I realized the standard to be and thus the further I saw that I was from it until I was simply pointless to keep trying. Therefore, my perfectionism rendered my a very frustrated person.
It seems that most people don't take this as seriously as I do. They are content rather, to compare themselves to other people, most of which are just as bad if not worse then they are and conclude that they're not all that bad comparatively. I don't know why but that just doesn't work for me. Just take a second and think about it. Who do compare yourself to so that you can accurately assess your moral character? Listen to what Paul Washer has observed about his badness:
These are the things that have been in my mind. That everyday I do God infinite wrong, and because I do so badly against God it is rather superfluous to think about what I have done against other people. I just know that when I do other people wrong it is only because I am doing God wrong, and behaving badly toward Him.
I guess just all of this to say that I don't think that many people take God seriously enough to talk about Him on their Facebook pages and status updates because He is really not that valuable to them, and He is really not that valuable to them because they have convinced themselves that they are not really all that bad. I hope that I see myself as worse and worse so that I can see my need for Jesus Christ more and more, because the more I need Him the more wonderful His grace and provision for me becomes in my mind.
My Thoughts About My Blog
I have been thinking about writing a blog for sometime. For those of you who follow me on Facebook you will probably be surprised to know that I really don't know what I am going to write about. My wife Stephanie suggested that I just write about normal things, but I find myself thinking, "Well, what does it mean to be normal?"
I guess that I tend to ask a lot of questions. God has given me this very inquisitive mind that seems to get me into more trouble than it does help sometimes. Nevertheless I tend think things over a lot because I have a framework of thinking and understanding; a worldview that I just need to fit everything into. Someone told me once that I like to have all of my ducks in a row.
So, this blog may not be appealing to some, but hopefully others may find that they have some of the same struggles and find encouragement and help by reading the meditations of someone who simply wants, with all of his heart, to follow Jesus Christ and do what is right.
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